More cuddles


Tonight my arm got stuck under two bundles of absolute cuteness.

It’s funny how they interact, when Pickles was just a scared lil baby pig Abbie was there with all her protective mother instincts.

I’d try to distract her or soothe her in some way but she just wouldn’t have it, it resulted in my poor dog having that look about her, that one that new parents often have when they’ve only slept one hour the past two days.

Mothers in the animal kingdom can be pretty remarkable. Abbie had two liters of puppies before she came here to live.

Now they’re more like brother and sister. They race each other to the door, or to the food bowls.

They forgive each others transgressions almost immediately, and the best part of winter is that they both come in so cold that they’re willing to cuddle up into one big pile. Me and/or Brodi are always sure to join.

B and Pickles have really bonded well, Dalton and Abbie have really bonded, she always want me first, Daltons her second pick, she insist he acknowledges her when he gets home from school.

Im thankful  for all of the, the whole combination that are here in this house.



Animal babies

Cuddles with my lil piggy Pickles has become a nightly ritual and I love it. He’s a cute animal baby.

His latest thing is to walk up to the Christmas tree and just hold a branch in his mouth. He doesn’t eat it or harm it. I think he’s trying to play tricks on us.

He loves to cuddled so much he’ll bite your pants or shoe strings and attempt to drag you to his spot, it’s pretty irresistible.

He settles in pretty quickly, unless he has to rearrange the blanket. Then lil baby Abby comes along, she has to make a couple circles before she curls up, like most dogs.

Her circles seem to always include stepping on Mr. Pickles several times, but all he does is grunt about it, and she looks at you with those big shiny puppy dog eyes, just for safety measures, and I reassure her that she’s a beautiful lil lady, and all is well.

Thoughts on Christmas

Last weekend I was with Brodi at the mall, he’s 9 years old, he’s extra small compared to other 9 year olds, both my kids are like that.

But he’s smarter than most 9 year old also, we were standing near the mall Santa marveling at the enormous Christmas tree.

Kids are hopping on Santas lap and B says “I never want to do that!”

“Why not?” I ask.

“Santas scary, I know he’s not real, but still, he’s scary.”

“I was terrified of him too, until I was about your age. No one taught me to beleive in him, but they also never mentioned that he’s just a guy dressed up in a suit.”

Brodi found that kind of funny.


Something else about Christmas that’s crossed my mind is the virgin birth of Jesus, I mean, that’s what we’re supposed to be celebrating but…

It feels like saying Mary was a virgin, and so it’s a miracle that he was born kind of takes away from the miricle of life to begin with.

If you look into how the baby develops and everything, it really is a miracle, it’s impressive, that a man and women can “you know” and it produces an entire new life.

And that in the beginning of the Bible, after God creates  Eve he told them “be fruitful and fill the Earth”

Were we put here to do just that, to bring new life into this world, and it was done the same miraculous way up until Mary.

Perhaps all births are a divine miracle, but I’m not trying to change people’s minds or anything, I just feel like I have a greater appreciation for new life being produced. Babies are special.


Less thinky; I’m happily attempting to make some home made gifts, I haven’t really tried to hard for several years, but I’m starting to learn that I can make things more fun for myself, Christmas has always felt like a confusing time to say the least.

Thats all for tonight, I have gifts to make!

An inspiration


I’ve been inspired by a man named Wallace Hartley, most people have no idea why or who he is.

I’ve written about him in the past, but here’s a crash course:

-he was musician, he lead the group that played songs on the Titanic.

-he was also a leader over all, people turned to him for help with their spiritual problems also, he had a very strong faith in God.

-he had  premonitions of being in a sinking ship, he told his closest friend about them.

-he made up his mind ahead of time to play “Nearer My God to Thee” as he went down with the ship, he knew it would likely be his final performance, and the last song many people might hear.

– “Nearer My God to Thee” was fitting for the situation, although it was not on the Titanics ‘playlist’

– When it became to difficult to play he tied his violin to his body, it was later recovered along with his body after the wreck.

– most people think that the musicians were ‘ordered’ to continue playing by the captain, but they were not. While they were hired to play on the Titanic they were not employees of the White Star company and were viewed and treated like passengers.

-the musicians chose to play instead of fighting over life boats

So, now that your caught up, I can’t tell you how much I’d love to see that violin in person, to know that the last song played on it was such a moving one.

On Saturday the tattoo artist I chose for this special project of mine started the tattoo, it’s my way of paying my respects to Hartley, and his brave sacrifice.

Also to everyone aboard the Titanic. It doesn’t look like much at the moment, but I’ll explain; their are two violins, one on my left side and one in my right.

Musical notes are bursting out of the violins, the music to “Nearer My God to Thee”, their are also huge waves bursting out of the violins, and where it meets on my back there is a worn out looking red flag with a white star on it, a flag that would’ve been flying on the Titanic.

Right now however it’s just the outline, in January we’ll start working on it again.

It’s a huge tattoo and pretty much everyone has said I’m crazy when they see it. (It got a lot of attention at the tattoo shop) but it seemed like they meant it in a respectful way, the owner even stopped me before I left because he wanted to shake my hand.

But I’m not crazy, it’s the most thought and consideration I’ve put into any tattoo, and I’m by far not a show off when it comes to this because I prefer to always be fully clothed in front of people.

R.I.P. Wallace Hartley

When something is lost

Theory of lost items;

When something is lost and you know right where you put it, exactly where it should be, but then it’s vanished with no explanation it is so frustrating.

Usually, most people will go through great efforts to find the lost item to no avail.

Their minds race a little bit, and they might say or think something that goes like this;

“Where is it? I can’t find it, I put it RIGHT THERE and now it’s gone. I need it and I can’t find. It must be lost.”

If you do that long enough there is a chance you might find it, but your more likely to give up.

Here’s the thing that gets in your way, your mind is saying it’s lost and cannot be found, and your putting off that vibration about the item your searching for, so it continues to be lost.

It could be right in front of you and you won’t see it, you could run your hands right over top of it and you won’t feel it, you’ll swear you know where it is and it just won’t show up.

Eventually it’s out of your mind and your going about a completely different task when you find that lost item, and most likely in a place you already searched.

The reason you see it now, or feel it now is that you’ve stopped that vibration and train of thought that said it was lost.

Thats my theory so far; but just a little extra info relating to this;

I don’t mind cleaning when I’m angry, it allows be to burn out that anger in a harmless way, but I’ve learned not to rip apart my closet and reorganize it because it was a mess that was driving me crazy.

Same with book shelfs, or the junk drawer, or a stack of bills or papers to be filed.

I don’t do those jobs when I’m in a bad mood because I won’t remember where I put anything later on.

When I’m in a good mood to organize and it’s not bothering me, that’s when I do those jobs.

On thanksgiving I had the mass of half organized papers on my coffee table, I shoveled them all up and put them in an empty cabinet.

I do not recommend this; in fact I don’t think you should even be embarrassed about that sort of mess, just leave it.

You know I just put myself a month behind because I was worried about what people might think of my messy coffee table, which is silly, but that moment it was the thing I did without even thinking.

Chrismas house

Well, I’ve been working on my house all day and now I’m ready to crash.

I hope I wake up tomorrow and feel thankful I put in the effort.

I officially decorated the outside of my house more than ever before! (I’ve never decorated the outside of my house)

And I out Christmassed everyone on the street. (No body has anything up)

In officially the least and most festive person I know!

I even have my menorah out for  Hanukkah although I’m not sure what to do with it since I’m not Jewish, I know you recite things in Hebrew, which is way cooler than Cristmass songs if you ask me.

Im not into holidays, but decorating with a theme is fun.


a journey beyond

I’m coming to realize how small the margin of time is for family to remain working together as one family unit.

When it’s past, there’s just no going back, only moving forward.

In the midst of things, beleive me, parents loose sight of a lot of things, because everyday might as well be a million years at times.

And there’s nobody to blame, time likes being devious to us, the past is the past.

The now is even in the past, your not reading these words as much as you’ve already read them, it’s in the past, this is meant to slip away.

Allow it.

The REAL you is in what we’d call the future, it feels like it’s just happening now.

Thats intuition, we know the general layout of the future, and we might tweak it from time to time.

The real/fuller versions of us might feel more complete (to us right now) but they aren’t really.

We’re catching up, they’re catching up, and multiple realities take place, and our heads start spinning with confusion and possibilities b/c we just jumped way to far into the future.

and it’s all beyond comprehension (at least for me)

so… just get a goog nights sleep and rethink it later on



My imagination

The past (almost) two weeks have been WAY of track, according to my vague life plans.

Adams been sick non stop, but to that point where he litterally needs someone the whole time.

So the house goes to crap despite my best efforts and intentions to save it.

Right now I’m taking what I call “a sitting break”

I only need the house to be an ordinary amount of clean before tomorrow, I’d say I’m half way there.

Adams family comes for thanksging every year. I can do little extra things tomorrow.

More importantly; I have found a fragment of history to stir my imagination, and I want to write about it.

Kelly Clarkson was on Live this morning, she said that creativity and imagination go hand in hand for her, in her imagination she’s the a ten year old little girl, and she goes their because reality sucks.

Me too, though I don’t think reality ALWAYS sucks, but as Anne would say “very little cannot be improved upon by imagination.”

Sitting break is over, back to work! Can’t wait to reach that finish line!




Dreams and their meanings

Two different people have asked me similar things recently. I gave them both the same answer.

My first thoughts were “really!?!?? your asking Me out of all people!?!?!??”

These two people asking me are two people who usually have no interest what’s so ever in what I think about this sort of thing; in fact I don’t even speak about it to these two because they have both (in a loving way) tried to turn it into a joke.

I assumed it was just to much for them.

Getting to my point; two sceptical people I know have been having dreams that bother them to the point that they’ve felt the need to talk to me because I understand these things.

Well, I am glad they wanted to bring this up with me. I’m still a little uneasy from their past reactions; but here it is….

Person #1

he said something like “I’m having a bad day because I had this dream that I had killed my sister, then I woke up and she called me, but I still feel so bad for killing her in my dream.”

Person #2

“Every night I have had the craziest dreams, I can’t even sleep.

It feels like I’m dreaming before I’m actually asleep.”

So, here’s my response(s)

Dreams are mostly from your subconscious mind, which has less of a language, so subconscious thoughts are more images and feeling than something that’s put into words.

Time in dreams is wacky ( I think I wrote about that topic a while back) the dream actually happens when you are close to waking up, so they might feel a lot longer than they are.

As far as the meaning, it’s more specific to your feelings in the dream. But as far as the sub conscious thoughts and their importance:

If it’s very important it will show up in your conscience life. (In these two cases it has apparently)

But dreams don’t need literal interpretations, they can provide information, given to you by your subconscious mind, so there is information contained with in those dreams, but the language might be formed into images and feelings.

So, my thoughts that I didn’t share, the first one seems to be evoked from his waking life, I think, and the sister calling at such an important time; a case of two people thinking about each other at the same moment.

Their could be more, but I can’t say really, I don’t know enough.

But, as far as a deeper meaning, I’m sure there is one, and I think it has to deal with guilt of hurting loved ones.

The second person; I think might be having more of a supernatural experience, with the dreams coming on before he’s been asleep a while. He’s only sleeping about an hour at a time.

This I can confirm by being close enough to be there when he falls asleep and wakes up. (It’s Adam)

He does seem to be reacting to something with in 15-20 min. Of being asleep, and for a good 5-10 min. After waking up.

Plus, I know what I’ve experienced here, back when I was homeschooling Brodi I meditated several times a day and started having similar experiences while meditating and sleeping.

To stop it I even started to meditate in different parts of the house, and I changed my sleep schedule to napping 20 min. Every four hours.

That worked for me, I doubt Adams been making a conscious effort to meditate but maybe he has managed it somehow.

So, I don’t know…