Excitement

On Friday I’ll be taking a drive to Cincinnati, right to fountain square at 7:00 pm.

This doesn’t scare me one bit, although a couple people have expressed their concern. I explored those little corners of the world when I was a teenager and truly didn’t know anything about it.

And you know the best part? I’m going to see my favorite band Dalta Rae! I have been looking forward to this for so long.

But that’s not all, I have a hotel room so I don’t have to drive home that night, instead I get a peaceful empty room all to myself.

I only have one  dilemma is what to bring for them to sign given the chance to get autographs.

Worn out thinking

I had a thought today about the after life. I’ve been fairly brain dead lately, worn thin from rough days with my kids, but that’s a different matter.

I hadn’t focused on anything really, just felt like going on with my brain dead day, not really trying to do anything special.

I bet other parents, teachers, childcare workers all do this- the bare minimum for just a little while. (You can’t really do it long term, unless your okay with a hectic life and out of control kids I guess)

You don’t really get upset when they didn’t save you a slice of pizza. You can hear them being loud and rough housing; but it doesn’t bother you this time. The house is a mess- oh well, you’ll get to it.

Then this pops into my head so suddenly and out of nowhere; I’ve been thinking about the after life a lot lately, I know it’s something so different from physically being alive and here right now, so different it’s hard to explain, understand, imagine, etc.

I’ve been wondering about ‘unfinished bussiness’ and why ghost linger, that sort of thing.

And I know there’s something special about those thoughts that pop up in you head. So here it is;

The unfinished business doesn’t mean so much in the after life, because your point of veiw has focused very differently.

So, I ask this to the thinker of my thoughts… what about unexpected death, or a suicide, the death of a baby?

Well, you can start all over but that’s hard and time consuming.

This I think was more tailored to me, because I am willing to face death if it were some case of a tragic event- like a plane crash, burning building, sinking ship- I keep my wits about me, I get focused in the moment, very decisive.

Adam has an extreamly good theory about this that I love, of why I react to certain things with a sense of knowing and an extream  sensitivity, odd for him.

And I agree with it b/c it’s what I’ve thought also, for as long as I can remember.

Spooky places

I went on a walk after dinner tonight, trying to do things to be healthier, plus the relaxing part.

I went down an ally/ dead end street that’s runs behind my house.  There’s something  mysterious about, and it creeps me out just a little.

I can’t wait for school to start so I can these kinds of things in the morning. Plus I can get Adam to go with me, that way I won’t be a chicken.

Along the way I had to pass the spot that a dead body was found, litterally walking right past it b/c the other side of the street is plastered with no trespassing signs.

Then finally I came to my destination, I quickly slipped in hoping not to be noticed.

This umm…. humble little dwelling.

Alright, alright, I’m not crazy. It’s just an abandon house. But the property almost touches mine.

Ive done some digging and found out an old man had owned it and he died in the 90’s. He left to a lady who died a couple years later.

She left it to a lady who currently owns it. No one has lived there since the old man died.

I bet all his stuff is in there. Oh the curiosity.

But all I have is the name of the owner, no contact info. My hope is that they’re behind on the taxes and would love to get rid of it.

Figuring out the struggles in life

I’ve been somewhat challenged and stumped by my last few post, while trying to write what I know to be true instead of what I beleive.

The difference is that the beleif may be  exceptionally strong, but their is a hint of questioning behind it, a little tiny bit of doubt, room to change your mind.

It’s like walking the high wire with a safety net below in case I fall, but what I really want to do is walk that high wire with no safety net because I know I’m not going to fall, and I will cross to the other side safely.

The past several days have been to much for me. I’ve cried for the first time in a while, things haven’t been exactly good.

In the past my hopelessness would have taken over to become my belief. The law of attraction would bring me proof of it, making it my new truth. (However it would be more of a false premise)

But I know better than to do that now, and once you know something like that, there’s no way of forgetting it.

So I have felt hopeless and overwhelmed. I have felt like things around me are terribly out of control.

But that has helped me to know that there is value in every moment. I know that making up my find on a few things will start making me feel like life is controllable. I know that I’m going to stand firm and unmovable in my parenting- always.

I know that certain things make you feel certain emotions, and that it’s to guide you in one way or another.

I know that I must have been going in the wrong direction because of how bad I’ve felt.

So everything is eventually working out for the better. These are some of the things I can say I know.

New journal/ new writing

Adam bought me a new journal to write in a couple days ago, which is good b/c I turned my old one into “my book of positive aspects”, which required ripping out all the old pages, shifting gears, and only writing positive aspects of life.

I draw a lot of focus wheels and make list in my old one.

Last night I sat down to write and found that I can’t do it like I used to. This is a good thing because what I did find myself writing felt so much better.

Awesome animals

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Pickles is such a cute baby. Someone asked me if I take picture of my kids while they sleep, b/c she did almost every night.

No I don’t actually, I feel like my kids never sleep, at least not in that cute way like babies sleep.

But Pickles and Abbie, I’m almost ashamed to admit how many pictures I have of those two.

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Speaking of cuteness, I swear we have the highest stray cat population. To top that off nicely, I think every person on my street loves animals, you guess which cats their favorite by who sits on their porch all day long, waiting for their person to get home.

I’m the cat medic, I treat their eye infections, Ill nurse them back to life after a cat fight. I’ve faced the grossest problem like its simply the next order of bussines.

The lil guy in my picture showed up every morning for a while, his eyelids where always glued shut from infection goop that seeped out in his sleep. His mama cat was a first time mom, I don’t think she cleaned her babies enough.

And Ill leave you with that…

night

Correction to my last post 😬

The universe delivers what’s best for you.

This sentence from my last post is so wrong. Not only wrong, but totally defeats the whole thing.

No, the universe gives you what you have asked for or attracted, someone else is looking after your wellbeing.

What I know to be true

What I know (avoiding explanations/ back stories)

  1. What you believe proves to be true.

– If you’re happiness threatens your belief; the belief’s not serving you, there is a false premise in your reasoning. Part of the belief is untrue. (The part that feels bad.)

-The universe does not factor in emotions, it is black and white (or grey/ neutral) in the thoughts you receive.

-The universe delivers evidence to your belief (even if it’s untrue or hurts you). This is how it works; it delivers what you are about, good or bad.  It is essential to your wellbeing to understand how the universe works.

  1.  Alter beliefs to improve wellbeing.

– Focus in the better feelings over and over, until it’s natural to you.

– What feels good is right.

– What feels bad is either untrue, or you are not ready for it.

  1. Everything works out.

                                –The universe delivers what’s best for you. (It may feel good/ short lived, or bad and never-ending.) Regardless it’s for the betterment of mankind and the expanse of the universe.

– How it feels, and how hard it is, it’s up to you.

– You either clean up your path, or clutter it with a lifetime of junk by always looking back.

– Regardless of the feelings and time that make up your path it always lead to the same place. It’s up to you how hard the journey will be.

 

P.S. Where does the path lead and how do you find it?

Music Marathon

These girls are from my favorite band Delta Rae.

I do this thing, I’m sure other people do it too. I call it my “music marathon”.

It usually takes place alone when I’m free to blast the music loud, sometimes I jump around and act like I’m a nutcase at the concert, other times I lay in bed and close my eyes. You just never know, but it’s always playing my favorite music non stop.

It sparks a sort of passion and joy, even if it was started in a depressed and hopeless state, even if I’m emotional and have been crying a lot, it lets you see the pain and beauty in brokenness.

And there is an element within music that evokes perfect timing, which is something we always love to see unfolding in our lives.

There is even science behind it, the frequency 110  megahertz gives people out of body experiences, acoustics have been used since ancient times to amplify special sounds.

Think of roman  coliseums,  cathedrals, how Jesus spoke on the shore, in a boat, or on a mountain.

The vibrations of sound are everywhere, music harnesses that power, it can effect out brain chemistry and our bodies.

Im not a know it by any means, I don’t understand it all, but the beliefs I hold about the universe are backed up by science, and I think that’s pretty cool, and sort of comical.

Comical b/c if I were to share my beliefs with most people they think I’m weird, or that I’ve lost it, possibly brainwashed by a cult. ( yes someone knows me pretty well actually thought that, or that I was on drugs after he asked for my help with his problems. )

Being called crazy or on drugs are literally the only ones that I’m  sensitive to, I thinks that’s b/c I really tend to my mental health on a regular basis, and pretty much have to take anti depressants, but I’m still a very saint and capable person.

If it weren’t for these things that help me, I’d probably have to live in the woods with no contact with the outside world to stay sain.

The story of Mark follow up

Mark had lived in a time/place where people were discouraged from thinking for themselves or questioning authority. He had seen in his short life how miserable people can become when they beleive themselves to be trapped in an unfulfilling life.

Lucas was one of those people who weren’t ready to hear what Mark was talking about. Lucas only brought Mark down when he could capture his attention.

The preacher was the only one who recognized their was something different about Mark, that he was in  purgatory but not  condemned to stay. The preacher was one of those people who mean well but can’t help.

The preacher was also ready to hear Mark.

Mark us not afraid of where he was, though he was not happy to stay there very long.

Lucas was sure to get Marks attention, but Mark knew to keep his focus elsewhere.

The people’s appearances shift to show us where their thinking is, perhaps Mark was shifting too.

The walkers were free all along, so free that they had chosen bondage.

But in the end everybody has a longing of something better, it’s just a matter of focusing forward and leaving old beliefs and negativity behind.

I use  purgatory as a metaphor, the memory lapses are to show that you don’t get everything all at once, a safeguard because the people could only handle what they were ready for.

Personally, I can see myself in all these characters in different parts of my life. I didn’t set out to write a grim disturbing story, this actually all came to me in a dream and it took me 3 tries to even write it out at all. In the dream I was Mark, and I won’t say who the other people were.